I hope these pictures haunt everyone.
They haunt me.
It's been a rare weekend where it wasn't totally overwhelming in caring for my son in his "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of PANDAS."
In fact, all we had to care for was the autism. Seizures and PANDAS took the weekend off I guess.
Thank you, Lord.
Brandon's daddy was next door helping "Neighbor Tom" trim back a bush that was hit hard by the "Houston Winter" we actually had this past winter. Anything with a motor attracts the attention of Brandon -- and dad had a chainsaw which was the ultimate motor stim for him.
Brandon was perched in perfect balance on the landscape bricks and stretched himself tall enough to peer over the fence to watch - listen - and hum to the beat of the chainsaw.
Brandon was very much enjoying the present - but all I saw was the future.
I saw my son ever trapped in the confines of his autism - and I wondered if he ever thought about what could have been, what's out there over the fence, as I do...
I see myself as I get older with still few viable options for when I can no longer care for him.
What will be over the fence for us when that day comes?
I have looked.
Oh, how I have searched.
But everything I can see is out of our reach.
Even as I stand on tippy-toes of HOPEISM, the fence for the appropriate places still way too high to ever hope to get there.
Everything within reach, not worth climbing the fence for.
I also saw April right over that fence.
The month where all of us should feel that there will actually be something for our children over the fence --------
That something appropriate will be within reach.
But then much like Brandon's displeasure at me interrupting his moment of humming with a pesky camera ---
The look of reality....
How I will look all next month because of how April, National 'Celebrate Autism' Month - will be nothing but an intrusive camera sharing photo-shopped pictures of those who can already participate in life on the other side of the fence to momentarily disrupt our reality with a lit up blue fantasy.