Life with Autism

Monday, September 2, 2013

Solace from his Storm...

There are things I want to know one day in heaven.  Like what Brandon was thinking one Saturday when he was jumping on the trampoline in a flash rainstorm we had.  He was laughing and jumping so very high and was so very wet!  He looked as if he could get right off the trampoline, go shower, shave, put on too much cologne,  then run out the front door to drive off to a football game with friends.  Then Sunday in a break between humming when his little cousin came over and so sweetly gave him his helium balloon and when he let go of it for the briefest of seconds watched it rise high into the sky.  I would like to know what he was thinking when he saw that.  How when he drops his other toy balls, they simply drop to the floor and he can pick it up.  Or most other balloons he plays with at birthday parties, how they don't fly away, yet this one did.  I want to know what he was thinking.

And during during dinner for him for over a week now.......  He has wanted to eat later, and so has been at the table by himself.  He scoots the chair just where he wants it.  Scoots the other chair away.  Any toy he has left on the table, he pushes out of his reach.   All that's left is his bowl, spoon, and drink.   Everything as it should be according to his world.  I watched him from the living room where I'm pooped and plopped down on the couch.  That's where I snapped this picture from.  It's been my view of him.  While those moments of him sitting there would be great opportunities for me to watch one of the many shows I have recorded that I never get to watch -- I found myself too mesmerized by the picture in the kitchen -- instead of the one on TV. 

I wonder upon wonders what was going through his mind as he sat there those nights all by himself.  It was dark outside, the shades closed, nothing for him to even look at outside the window.  I thought about getting up to go join him, but I didn't want to break the tranquility of his time.  He just seemed so...content.  It's rare for that.  Typically at dinner, he sits on the edge of that chair - ready to race off on a whim.  A few bites, then off to do something.  But these nights...these nights he sat there for twenty to thirty minutes at a time.  Eating a few bites then taking a drink, then picking up his spoon again and eating again...

Whatever it was he was thinking about, I hope it made him happy.  As I watched him I was a bit sad.  Seeing him sitting there all alone made me think of his future, who will be caring for him when I'm gone.  Will he be like that picture -- all alone?  I guess his thoughts were more cheerful than mine...  A time or two he would break out in a smile or giggle, then go back to eating.  I guess the angels he talks to in these moments like that, heard my thoughts and told him a funny story or something to make him laugh, so I would smile.

I'll never be able to convey with words what a beautiful picture that was to witness.  He was so sweet.  I guess where I can't find words to describe it, I can turn to worship:

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty

Brandon wasn't alone eating -- he was in the presence of His Majesty...

So serene in those peaceful moments of solace from his storm.

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