Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Of Brandon, Blurriness, and the Blessing of HOPEISM.
When I was looking at this picture as photos from my iPhone were downloading to my computer, I almost deleted it along with the many, many, many other pictures that captured autism more than Brandon. It's always only one or two out of so very many that are "keepers." This one almost didn't make the cut, it was blurry. I was a split second too slow in capturing the smile he had while looking at me. By the time I could hit the button on my iPhone --- in the words of the Jase Robertson on Duck Dynasty, "He Gone!" And this picture almost deleted.
But something about it made me keep it. The way it describes our "Life with Autism" so perfectly, I guess. A blur. Some days seem like just that....a blur of craziness. Of seizures. Of autism. Of constant motion. Of constant humming. A blur of never-ending advocacy. Never-ending research. Never-ending worry about what the future will hold for him.
Then I also thought about how it describes my HOPEISM. For me to survive and dare to thrive in "Life with Autism" - my Hopeism must be like that picture. In constant motion. In that picture I can see the faint outline of where Brandon was the instant before he started moving forward. I want my Hopeism to be like that. A series of outlines of where my Hopeism was, before it moved forward. Always keeping pace with the many challenges we must face. I don't want a perfectly poised portrait of Hopeism that I can frame and be content in staring at. I want it to be blurry because not even the most powerful shutter speed could keep up as it moves far from what I can even see through the lens.
Oh my Brandon, my blurry, blurry Brandon---
How you do help me see the Blessings of HOPEISM ever so clearly...