Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.
So often I think of what purpose there is in my son being burdened by autism. I believe in Faith, live by Faith. In that, I understand that there is purpose in all things. Good, Bad, and Ugly. Life with Autism covers all three at times. Sometimes, all at once. I've learned to live our Life with Autism moment by moment. I try to forget those moments of the past that brought me to autism. Vaccinations mainly. I can't forget though, so I simply try not to stare too long. As painful as it is to even fathom, I plan for the future. A future for my son once I'm no longer here. I look ahead as often as I must, but the glare is simply too much. I find myself turning away in pain.
But the present.
That is where I try to live. One moment at a time in the present. Savoring the successes of that moment, and knowing that any sorrows in that moment will quickly pass away. Remembering that it's always darkest right before the dawn. When the light of day brings new grace, new mercy, new HOPEISM. We've been experiencing much darkness for the past four years now with relentless seizures and a health decline. But slowly, slowly we have been approaching dawn and this week, experiencing such bursts of miraculous light in the pictures captured of our son smiling, laughing, happy.
It reminds me of Ephesians 3:20-21 which says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ....." Brandon's purpose in our lives is to show us immeasurably more of God's light than we would have ever experienced had it not been for his autism. As I'm learning in Experiencing God -- when asking for something in prayer, as in the healing I so often ask for, what if God has immeasurably more than that? Sure, God can heal Brandon. He's made the blind see, the lame walk, and he's even resurrected a dead man from his grave. Healing Brandon would be nothing to him, so to speak. But what if our period of silence in the answer of that prayer is God wanting us to see more of Him. More of His light, His inspiration, His HOPEISM shining on Brandon for all who are touched by him to see.
2 Samuel 22:29
"....the Lord turns my darkness into light."
"Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell."
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth."
Oh my Brandon -- I pray so very hard for healing for you. Yet I know you have something far greater than that...
God's Glory, God's light shining upon you.
2 Corinthians 4:6
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ.